New Accounts to give! check the root of the http:\\lavender-art.blogspot.com
Joost is the new video client on the block created by Skype’s founders. Even though it’s not publicly available yet, it already makes quite a big noise around the blogosphere. Its sweet proposition: Watch TV programs on your computer for free, and interact with other TV screeners.
- If you missed your chance to try it, today is your day. Today, I will give the first invitation away.
- The best Posted Joke which will make me and my friends laugh the most well send the invitation.
- The posting will be from now 10:30 pm GMT+2 Till tomorrow the same time!
- 2h before The end I will post on the Poll (thanks guys from pollverize.com) the best 5 jokes and your are invited to vote too.
- Exactly on 24h well send the invitation to the winner. (the winner will have to send me his mail for me to be able to send him the invitation)
That's all I hope well have all a lot of ~fun~ !
18 comments:
Ok here i go....
U2 are playing an amazing outdoor concert in front of 85-90 thousand fans. they are just getting into the emotional slower songs, so Bono moves up to the front and starts one of his inspirational speeches.the edge starts to play lightly in the background as Bono begins to lift his hands clapping together in the air to the beat. the audience joins in... Bono goes on to say " Every time I clap my hands.... 10 children in Africa die... Every time i clap my hands 10 women or men die from AIDS...
But we can stop all this..." just them a fan jumps up on stage and punches Bono in the face and grabs the microphone... "Stop clapping your bloody hands fawking arse!"
smasterspirit@gmail.com
Ninety-eight pound eating champ Sonya Thomas at 44 lobsters in 12 minutes. She also achieved the title "Most Expensive Date".
Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"
Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I'm beginning to think I didn't."
arpesenti [at] libero [dot] it
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND...
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
1. OTHER WOMEN
Your mama is just like Walmart. Low prices ever day.
You are Bewish, a cross breed of Jewish and Buddhist. You wait for things to go on sale.
a beautiful blonde was driving outside athens and
his car breaks down suddenly.
then two greek guys approach her yannis and tassos
and ask her if she needs help .
she says yeah please it doesnt run.
tassos makes a signal to yannis and tell her ,
well we can fix your car but if you agree to have
sex with us ...!
she says are U crazzy but then she thinks if
they dont fix her car somebody else might come
and rape her anyhow .
then she says okay guys but under one condition
you have to use condom and leave the condom on...!
otherwise I will get pregnant...
tassos and yannis look at eachother since they never
heard of such thing called condom , they say okay.
so she put on both condoms and have sex with them
and ofcourse they fix the car and she goes on.
after one week yannis calls tassos ,
hey tassos , I cannot stand it anymore ,
I will take that thing off ...
I dont care if she gets pregnant...!
Paddy and Murphy are driving in the glorious Irish countryside, and after turning left at a junction Paddy, who is driving shouts in indignation as the car behind barely avoids hitting them.
"Well now, Murphy, that was close, oi wonder, is the indicator working? jump out and check, to be shure wuld yer?"
Paddy pulls over, and murphy jumps out, goes to the back of the car, and shouts..
"Yes it is! No it's not! Yes it is! No it's not...."
Oh Oh... I got one.
Ok so recently heaven was getting really crowded, god talked to an angel and was like "Hey, Were going to have to limit who comes in to heaven, If they don't have a good story, then don't let them come to heaven.. Ok?" The angel Replied yes and went to the front gates of heaven.
Meanwhile on earth a happy husband comes in to his 10th story apartment and notices that there are some pants on the living room floor that are not his nor his wifes, so he looks at his wife and immediately starts looking around the house for the Cheating bastard, he finally notices at the balcony some finger tips on the ledge, and goes over there and starts cursing out the guy. He finally stepped on the guys fingers and the guy fell down to the ground, but landed on some bushes so he survived! This angered the husband so much because he wanted to see the bastard dead, he immediately went in to the kitchen, and took the fridge and pushed it over the ledge and watched it plumit to the ground and hit the guy, killing him instantly. The husband was so happy that he killed the bastard that he started laughing uncontrollably and finally resulted in him having a heart attack and dying.
Meanwhile in heaven the angel sees a guy walk up to him and so as instructed the angel asked... "Whats your story" and the guy was like "Well you see i was on my 11th story balcony and i was working out pretty hard! I guess i was working to hard though because i fell over the side of my balcony but luckily i was able to grab on the balcony right below me! I stayed there for a while and then all of a sudden heard a guy cursing, and he came out to the balcony and STOMPED on my fingers, I fell to the bottom of the hotel but some bushes broke my fall... So I was lying there in pain and looked up and the guy was still pissed... and he disappeared but then he came back and threw out of all things... THE FRIDGE! of the ledge and it came down and crushed me killing me instantly." The angel thought that was a pretty good story and so he let the guy in, next the angel was looking around again and noticed another guy... he asked him "Whats your story" and it was the husband who told him his story this time, the angel responded "You can go in to, You went through alot and no one deserves to be cheated on". Finally the angel is just sitting around and enjoying his job, he really likes it... All of a sudden another person comes up... The angel looks at him and is like "Whats your story" and the guy looked at the angel and said "Well dude check this out, I was in this fridge right..."
z00kus@gmail.com
Why couldn't Hellen Keller Drive.....
,,,,
,,,
,,
Because she was a girl.
What's 11 inches, stiff as a rock, and makes women scream during the night?
a SIDS baby.
Hansoz79 [at] gmail [dot] com
There was 3 ladies on an island 1 blonde 1 brunette and a red-head. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the the island and the city. The red-head swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the brunette sawm 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion, the blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back!!
cuteoverload.com
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.
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well - it always makes ME laugh.
Best,
T
Here is goes in honor of St. Patricks an Irish drinking joke.
An Irish man walked into a local pub. He ordered three beers at the same time. When the man was on his third round the bartender said, "The beer would probably taste better if you ordered them one at a time." The man replied, "Well, you see, I have two brothers who live in different countries. One lives in Australia and the other lives in the United States. We promised each other that we'd always drink this way in memory of when we used to drink together." "I understand" the bartender sighed. The man came in every day and ordered three beers. After two weeks had passed the man came in and ordered only TWO beers. When the man was on his second round the bartender finally spoke up and said, "I'm sorry about your loss." "HUH?" the man said, confused. "OH! No, one of my brothers didn't die. I just gave up drinking!"
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y14/harlequin2902/triangle.jpg
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y14/harlequin2902/expand.jpg
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y14/harlequin2902/math.gif
my three best frustrated students pic
and
Conversation from a Nursing Home
Three men at a nursing home were discussing aging.
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock, no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble having a dump?"
"No, I have a dump every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and have a dump every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."
More Joost invitations available at Joost For Everybody PROJECT http://fabricat.110mb.com/joost-invitations
Please send a JOOST invitation too:
MU231XL@gmail.com
3 Levels of Ecstasy
The Italian says, "When I've a finished a makina da love
I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats
6 inches above a da bed in ecstacy."
The Frenchman replies. "zat is noting, when Ah've finished making
ze love, Ah kiss all ze way down her body, and zen Ah
lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue, and she floats 12 inches
above ze bed in pure ecstasy."
The redneck says, "That aint nothing. When I've finished porkin
the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my
weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin' ceiling."
Each kid is telling the class what his parents do for a living. When Tom's turn is up he says: "my father dances naked in gay bars and if they pay he sleeps with them". The teacher is shocked and she takes him outside. "is that really what your father does?". "No, he works for the Democratic party, but I as too ashamed to say it in front of everybody".
THX for making me lought today. Good one I shoul say. LOOOL
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